It's been awhile

Of pure laughter, genuine smiles, joy, happiness, sunshine, rainbow, all things bright and cheery. Of white fluffy dogs smiling at you, the blossoming of a white daisy, of freedom running in an open field, of the knowing that you are not alone, of the presence of someone close, the smile only couples share, real tight long hugs, comfortable silences, the warmth when you step out of an air-conditioned place; with the sun lightly shining on your face, the smell of freshly baked bread, refreshing raindrops falling lightly on your face; of innocence, trust, hope, lightness in heart, mind & soul, comfort, peace, and most of all, to love and be loved.

Mind splintered into a million pieces, floating in void, each piece slowly degenerating, drifting away from the source of strength, hope, love. Sinking lower and deeper into the darkness, the heart aches; each chamber beating desperately, wary of the next pierce. Coldness fills, light fades, heart lost. Mechanically, body works. Going through the motions of living, but never lived. Eating good food, but never tasting. Irony amidst deception. The heaviness of a burdened soul immobilizes, like lead, it poisons. Leaving it twisted, jaded, wary, drained, dispassionate, lost, hopeless, goal-less, wasted, cold, uncouth; hollow. Reality kicks in. Time waits for no man. Along you move to the rhythm of an empty laden shell. Hungrily, you assault your senses with anything that comes by, taking, to fill the void. Distraction, chaos, novelty, restlessness become your closest friends.

Tiredness envelopes, overwhelms you as you lay your pounding, boozed head to rest. No energy left to think, as you slip into the abyss; relieved of the chaos. Another day passes. Chatting to friends of various time zones, absorbed in their world, sharing their pain/joy/happiness; lunches and dinners come and go, filling up your time, distracted, another day passes. New hobbies, new friends, new ideas, new revelations, novelty; another day passes.

Occasionally, a glimmer shimmers through the darkness. You shun the flicker, for it has become foreign; you fall back further into the darkness, not caring. A ray of light slices the darkness. Incidentally, you felt the warmth. Tears rain down as you remember who you were and how messed up you’ve become. Still untrusting, you tolerate the light, fighting with what you want and who you are now, that you can see a little. When is it the time to let go; to let the light in? When is it time to stop fighting?

Patience. Gentleness. Two words You gave.

Tired I am. Rest I need. Take me, now.

Living outside of time, seated next to You; is all I ask for.

Familiarity vs Intimacy with God

Had an interesting sermon last sunday (albeit i did nod off a little :P). main focus is Familiarity with God e.g. knowing that He is good vs Intimacy with Him e.g. really building a relationship with God. Head-knowledge vs heart-and-mind-set changing revelations as you walk with Him. Going through the process via protocols vs going with the flow. Led by the flesh vs led by the Spirit. interesting. a ministry friend emailed the following portion, which i felt was quite appropriate for this week's revelations. enjoy.

Alone with God by Dennis Burke
Source: Knowing God Intimately by Dennis Burke

You can never come to know God deeply with shallow conversation.
Intimacy with Him requires development & cultivation. The deepest working of the Holy Spirit comes during the time spent alone in His presence.

When we set time aside for fellowship with God, we are entering into the richest experience of the Christian life. You were created for fellowship. This alone satisfies the desire of mankind & of God. That fellowship & deep working of the Spirit is richest when you are set apart from things that clutter your mind.

Jesus said in Mathew 6:6, “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, & when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; & thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”

It may sometimes feel as though you must drag yourself into the presence of God. Even when you are physically alone, your mind can be racing in many directions. You can easily waste precious time with God by letting your mind wander.

But Jesus said to enter the chamber & shut the door. Close the door of your mind on distractions that draw your attention. Bring your mind under control.

Worship
Worship is one of the most powerful ways to bring your entire being into an attitude of receptiveness to God. As you enter into a time of fellowship with God, begin by worshipping Him. Sing a worshipful song. Speak out to Him your adoration.

Soon you will find that all of those things clamoring your mind will take their rightful place outside the door of your inner chamber.

This is not time for requests, but rather to simply enter His presence, enjoy His fellowship, listen for His promptings & obtain the childlike assurance that your Father is near.

It is in these times of closeness to God that you have the greatest understanding of His willingness to be involved in your life. You gain a strengthening of your confidence, an establishing of your emotions, a deepening of your appreciation for all that He is.

You can trust Him as never before because you know Him as never before.

In Jeremiah 17:7-8, there is a beautiful description of one who has learned to trust God: “But happy is he who relies on the Eternal, with the Eternal for his confidence! He is like a tree planted beside a stream, reaching its roots to the water; untouched by any fear of scorching heat, its leaves are ever green, it goes on bearing fruit in days of drought, & lives serene.”
Your time in the inner chamber causes your roots to reach deep into God. Deep roots make strong, healthy trees. In fact, most trees have as much under the ground in root systems as they do above the ground in branches & leaves.

The root represents your private life with God. The leaves are the public life that others see. When a life of private fellowship is developed it will be as evident as you minister & deal with people publicly.

For many, the vast majority of their time with God is in a public setting- either church, Bible study, or prayer meetings. You need as much beneath the surface as you have above the surface.

Deep roots create stability & confidence in times when winds buffet you. There is tranquility & serenity deep within because you have tapped into the source of strength.

When everything in your Christian experience is above the ground, you have very little depth of stability. No wonder you lack confidence in God. You can be so easily tossed back & forth.

It is in the quiet times in His presence worshipping, waiting, praising & listening that you enter the highest levels of prayer. You have left business outside the door & simply opened yourself to commune with your Father.

These are the times God will speak to you & show you His wisdom & His will.

Missing Pages

A good friend of mine introduced this song to me. I think it's really appropriate for a really close friend of mine. The song is titled 'Missing Pages' from the newest album, Finally Awake, by the US band Seventh Day Slumber. Attached are the lyrics. Click on the link for the music.

I hope he finds His will for him. To see the glory fall from him before my eyes shakes me to the core of what the world can do to anyone. But i pray that this will be another dark valley that he will walk with Him, knowing that through and at the end of it all, there is Light. For i know that He is good and it will be good.

As for me, i'll continue to pray. Enjoy.

Missing Pages by Seventh Day Slumber

On the outside all we see is clay
That hides the perfect lie
But no one really knows the pain inside

I understand how much it hurts
To be the one who’s never seen
Like missing pages in a magazine

No one knows you anymore
You’re lost inside the walls you’ve built
No one knows you anymore
A prison deep within your soul
But there is One who sees it all
He’ll give you life you’ve never dreamed
He can see the pain underneath your skin

It’s hard to see you fading
Nothing that I do can bring you back
I pray to God that you don’t fade away
Your addiction is a symptom of a lost and dying soul
Without Jesus there’s no hope at all

There’s so much more this is not the end
It’s all in your hands don’t throw it away
A beautiful life with so much to give
The image of God underneath your skin

The beauty of God underneath your skin (3x)

http://www.myspace.com/7thdayslumber

'Carebears'

i hate the devil. he roars and attempts to 'gum' pple with his toothless jaw. not seeing his toothless gums, pple get stuck and live in that moment of fear forever. powerless mind games. that's all he can play. with deception, deceit and whispering lies, he attempts to twist the minds of souls upon themselves, using their powers against themselves. he learns but is unwise. watchful but undiscerning. imitates but uncreative. passionate for souls but loveless for them. the devil had lost to Him but deceives pple to think he won.

Flesh was stripped to reveal his deceitful lies. Blood and water was shed for His Righteousness revealed.

Unconditional Love the gift to all.

pple just need to see, reach out and receive His Gift. yet many are 'gummed' by the devil's games. woe to you devil. for He has won and you had lost. IT IS FINISHED.

*when 'carebears' get angered,

they shine the dead darkness out of the abyss,

and flood the lands with the Living light*

My very FIRST Posting!!!

Welcome to my very first blog! yes yes... it's a little late to start blogging when the rest of the world is already traveling in fuel-ozone-pollution free automobiles that travel at the speed of light from AMK to Tampines? Oh well.. wat's an IT-challenged babe gotta do to get herself heard, eh? *Grinz*

Read through a few of the other blogs and realised many share about their lives, what they are unhappy (Ranting Avenue?), passionate, dream, joyous, etc.etc. about in their lives. Guess I'll not stray too fair from 'em, eh?

Had an interesting conversation with my boss today. Was told had to keep my facial expression in check. Apparently I've been looking too stressed at work (like DUH!!) and was asked to smile more. Gosh. Reason for the need to smile? cos we work in social services. Now.. how do you explain that link? I'm still pondering on that (any bright ideas please feel free to comment). All that goes through my mind about this matter is: would it be better for all if I just put on the spiderman mask that's found so abundantly in my office? HaHaHa!!! Well.. Guess THAT will make others smile then! :P